I went last Friday night to see the new Indy flick, and I was obviously very excited about it. I’d heard good reports from some friends, and had just rewatched the original trilogy to get myself in the mood for the ensuing action. The producers kept very hush hush about the movie, and I only saw the trailer once before going to see it.

So I arrived at the movie theater (or ‘cinema’ as most normal people call it) and obviously didn’t get there on time. A bunch of people must have bought tickets for another movie and snuck in or something, because I got there and there were no seats left, barring two in the very front row. The front row is so ridiculously close to the screen that you can only see part of the movie, and it makes you sick, so I opted for the floor behind the first seating block. Not the way I’d planned on watching a highly anticipated movie. Indeed, by the time all the obligatory Kung Fu Panda trailers were over, my arse was fast asleep.

So the movie begins way more low-key than I’d expected. No trademark red and yellow Indiana Jones text, just boring type. The first few scenes from the movie are decent enough until you actually see Harrison Ford. That was a weird experience.

My goodness, he’s practically a grandfather. The white and grey hair, the trousers pulled way up like an old man, Indy’s trademark stubble that looks more like laziness than action hero. That for me was a huge disappointment. It was great to see Indie kick ass once again, but it’s just not believable for me that a guy of his age could be as invincible as he was even 20 years ago.

Yes, Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones and casting anybody else in his place would be a complete desecration of the franchise, but there’s a bit of a catch 22 here. He is Indiana Jones but he’s now too old to be believable. There were obvious scenes of stunt doubles, and the stunts he obviously did do felt like he was trying to prove he could still do it. In saying all that, he’s in remarkably good shape for a man of 65.

The actual movie wasn’t a far cry from the original three. Stereotyped Ukrainian-accented Cate Blanchett is the villain, looking to solve the mystery of a crystal skull they found somewhere in South America.

I didn’t care much for the special effects in the movie either. I’ve never been a big fan of CGI as I can almost always tell when they’ve bluescreened it and it looks totally fake to me. I’m much more impressed by old school techniques where the action was real and that sense of danger made the movie all the more exciting. I grew up watching those ‘behind the movie’ shows where it shows you how they did all the stunts and the set up to get the perfect shot. Now it’s easy as pie, stick a blue canvas behind it and hire a bunch of nerds to get the same effect. A lot of the big scenes in this movie were obvious CGI, which I was very disappointed about considering the reports stating CGI would be limited.

Indy’s romantic interest from the first movie makes an appearance again, which was cool but the rest of the storyline was a little dull and frankly lacked the imagination of the other movies. By the end of the movie my arse and back were getting very sore and I was beginning to, dare I say it, get a little bored of the movie.

Overall, for a standalone movie it’s nothing special and by far the worst of the 4 movies. I can’t help but feel they should have just left it be, as the only reason I can see for making this poorly written spectacle is for the undoubted financial gain for the studio. That said, if you’re an Indy fan then I expect you’ll be disappointed but you have to see it to complete the series.

Actually, the funniest part of the night was leaving the movie theater. Sex In The City had just opened for the weekend and there was a huge line of girls all dressed up just for the movie (with reluctant boyfriends and a ton of excited gay guys). There was even security guards to maintain order. How sad.

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